Camping For Dummies
by awesomatics
Summary: Head Boy and Girl have certain responsibilities to take, and McGonagall has a wicked sense of humour.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Not mine. Unfortunately._

**Chapter One**

The first night Draco slept with Hermione, it was uncomfortable. And cold. And he wasn't allowed to even touch her, let alone do anything mildly X-rated.

"God, Granger! I'm freezing out here," Draco complained. "A guy could die out here! What's the point in making me change outside when I didn't bring anything to change into?"

"Because if you change inside, it's _indecent_," Hermione insisted from inside the tent, tucking the blankets around herself tighter.

"_Indecent,_ my-" Draco grumbled, yanking his last pant leg off and pulling the zipper of the tent down violently before crawling in.

Hermione was uneasily aware that while she was kitted out in her unflattering checked flannel pyjamas, Draco was wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers. She coughed into the awkward silence, trying not to look at his naked flesh, from his slightly defined muscles to the blonde hair that was scattered lightly from his bellybutton to the waistband of his satin boxers… Her face grew hot. Draco, blissfully ignorant to the tension she felt, made himself as comfortable as he could amongst the piles of blanket in the two-man tent that the school had so kindly purchased in the Muggle world. Because of course the thought of having a tent that might actually have space to hold more than a toothpick was ridiculous. Hermione wasn't quite sure if she was okay with him being so… close to her.

"You know, McGonagall never said we actually had to sleep in the same tent," she pointed out. "So, maybe so that we're not… umm, we're not…"

"Cosied up?" Draco offered nonchalantly.

Hermione cringed at the words. "Kind of."

Draco smirked. "But Granger, it's so much warmer like this. Actually, I have an idea that will keep us even warmer."

"You sleeping outside?" Hermione asked hopefully.

"Well, I was thinking wild, raucous sex, but I suppose not?" Draco said, sighing loudly.

Hermione spluttered.

"_Definitely_ not!" she exclaimed. "McGonagall told us, any Head Boys and Girls who involve in-"

"Wild, raucous sex-" Draco interrupted.

"_Intimacy_, actually- are dismissed from their roles and can even be expelled. Immediately," Hermione replied hotly.

Draco rolled his eyes. "What's the point in sticking the Head Boy and Girl in a tent, a _Mudblood_ tent at that, in the middle of the freaking Forbidden Forest for a week in the holidays unless they were expecting them to get it on?"

"McGonagall told us!" We have topics and _issues_ to discuss! The reason for this is to _get ahead_ and form a _professional_ relationship so we can be as efficient as possible in our roles!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Whatever," Draco said, quickly losing interest.

Hermione made a noise of frustration, pulled out a copy of _Hogwarts: A History_, and yanked it open viciously. Draco, oblivious, caught his reflection in Hermione's mirror in the corner and admired himself. His jaw was almost perfect, he reckoned. And his eyes were definitely striking. He flexed his arm muscles and wondered to himself why he had been chosen for Head Boy. Was it his charm, his flawless physique, his superior intelligence, or perhaps his empathy and kindness. That must be it, he decided. He positively _glowed_ with his kindness.

"Granger," he said, still examining his reflection, "do you think I radiate compassion?"

Hermione resisted the urge to snort.

"Maybe," she said thoughtfully. "If you, you know…"

"What?" Draco said eagerly, leaning closer to her.

"Well, if you were a different person," she finished with a flourish.

Draco groaned and flopped back onto his makeshift bed.

"Thanks a bunch, Granger," he muttered. "Any fool could see that I radiate compassion like the sun radiates light."

Hermione rolled her eyes, clapped her book shut and charmed the lights off.

"If the sun somehow stopped working," she added.

Draco made an incomprehensible noise.

"Hope you sleep badly, Mudblood."

"Good night to you too, Draco."


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Still not mine._

**Chapter Two**

Hermione opened her heavily-lidded eyes with a yawn. Blue plastic. Blankets everywhere. Where was she? What? A sinking feeling set in as she remembered. Oh yeah, the thrills of being a head girl, she thought to herself with a half smirk as she pulled herself out of the blankets and started to pull her pyjamas off. Wait, where was-

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead," Draco said with a smile.

Hermione pulled her pants back on hurriedly.

"Get out!" she said pushing him out of the tent and zipping it up.

Changed and recovered from the earlier embarrassment, Hermione stepped out of the tent into a blast of heat.

"It's a little warm," Draco remarked, pushing his white-blonde hair from his face.

Hermione noted that he was still only wearing the boxers from before.

"So Granger, you up for it?" he asked.

"Up for what?" Hermione said suspiciously.

"Let's go for a swim in the lake," he said breezily, heading off in the direction of the school.

"Are you crazy? There are _dangerous_ things in there! And McGonagall said-"

"Yeah, McGonagall's an old bat," Draco replied. "It's hot, and I very much doubt she'll pop up in the middle of the holidays and tell us off for having a bath. And the 'dangerous' things didn't exactly reach up and strangle Potter when he was flapping about in there for that little game thing."

"_Little game thing_?" Hermione said. "Triwizard Tournament! And anyway, I didn't bring bathing things!"

While this conversation was taking place, Draco had been taking long strides towards the lake, Hermione walking hurriedly after him.

"Well, we're here, so we might as well go in," Draco said cheerfully. "Just go in your underwear."

"I _can't_-"

Draco laughed. "I promise I won't watch you undress, then you can jump into the water, easy peasy."

Draco dived expertly into the water and put his back to Hermione, treading water. Hermione hesitated. Could she? She looked at the back of Draco's floating head. She supposed she could… she quickly took her shirt and jeans off and slipped quietly into the water.

Draco spun around. "See, that wasn't too hard, was it?" he commented, swimming lazily towards her. 'So Granger, show me what you got, then. Can you hack it in the water?"

Hermione's competitive side took over. "I've won medals for my backstroke."

"Back what?" Draco asked, confused by the term.

"It's a Muggle word for a type of swimming. Here, I'll show you," Hermione said, flipping onto her back and making her way down the lake. Draco was bemused at first, but then was amazed by something else. Where the hell did _those_ come from, he speculated, staring at her breasts in wonder. Did they _float_, or something?

Hermione treaded water and nervously wondered why Draco was staring at her.

"Umm, yeah, so that's backstroke," she said, swimming over to him.

Draco snapped back to his senses and quickly said, "Child's play. I could do that in my sleep. Show me something harder. What's the most difficult thing you can do?"

Hermione smiled. "Well, I suppose there's breaststroke. That can be pretty hard."

Draco choked. "What stroke?"

"Breaststroke, it's probably the most difficult," said Hermione.

Draco wasn't sure what to make of this. He hadn't thought she was this forward, but… he hoped breaststroke was as fun as she made it sound.

"Well, how about you show me first, then I'll copy," he said finally with a charming smile.

"My pleasure," said Hermione, and started to swim breaststroke down the lake.

What? Breaststroke was some stupid _frog kick_?

Draco was bitterly, bitterly disappointed.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: STILL not mine. Have resigned self to thinking characters may never be. How extremely depressing._

Sorry this chapter is so... lame. I hit a writers block, then got out of it- which didn't help coz I just ended up with ideas for other fics and later chapters of this... oh well... on with it. Thanks to everyone with all the nice reviews and stuff!

**Chapter 3**

Hermione lay down on the dewy green grass, letting his heavy eyelids close to shield the sun's rays. She smiled, oblivious to the attentions of Draco- still clad in his drenched boxers- who was lying next to her, wide-eyed.

Draco blinked. God, when had Granger gotten so freaking _hot_? Her shirt clung suggestively to her wet skin, showing off her curves- those goddamn curves! He let his eyes travel from her brown eyes to her full lips, to her soft neck to her... _curves_... Hermione rolled over to face him and Draco froze in his awkward position.

"I was just, you know," he said quickly, slowly easing himself into a more natural position.

"Right," Hermione said, sitting up. "I was thinking, we should probably do what McGonagall told us to."

"I _told_ you, Granger, for the last time, I am _not_ making a sex tape for her to get her jollies off," Draco replied with a grin. "Unless, you know, you're into that kind of thing..."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Dream on. No, I meant look at this list of things she told us to discuss," she said knowingly, pulling a piece of parchment from her jeans. "See this, for example. 'Discuss little-known facts about each other in order to build a more comfortable working relationship'."

"Oh, what fun."

"I don't know about you, Draco, but I take my role as Head Girl very seriously," Hermione said, her eyebrows furrowing. "And I would like you to work with me, if that's alright."

"Very well then," Draco said with a heavy sigh. "Righto. Little-known facts. Despite my wonderous physique, my kind and caring nature, my generosity which knows no bounds-"

"Get on with it, Draco."

"Fine. Well, despite all this perfection, I do have a weakness," he finished.

Hermione tried not to scream at him. "Oh really? I never would've guessed. So what is it?"

"I have a freckle on my back."

Hermione proceeded to hurl sticks at him.

Half an hour later, Draco was still rubbing his sore skin, red from where the sticks hit him.

"God Granger, you've got good aim. So, little-known facts didn't work out well," he said. "How about well-known facts? I am incredibly handsome. Potter is a wanker."

Hermione smiled, in spite of herself.

Draco's eyes brightened. "Wait a second, I do know a bit more about you, Granger," he said, a smirk forming on his lips.

"Gasp. Shock horror. Do tell," Hermione said.

"You can't fly."

Hermione froze. "How-"

Draco tapped his nose. "I have my sources. Follow me."

Draco got up and started to run back towards the school. What now? Hermione thought, getting up slowly and following him slowly. When she saw his destination- the Quidditch pitch- she stopped.

"_No_, Draco."

Draco smirked, and pulled out his wand from out of his boxers.

"Draco, what the _hell_?" she said.

Draco ignored her, whispering, "Alohomora."

The Quidditch shed opened with a soft click, and Draco yanked out a shabby looking broomstick, and swung onto it easily, flying over to Hermione.

"Right. All aboard," he said with a smile.

Hermione's eyes widened and she shook her head, backing away slowly.

"I _can't_," she said, her voice coming out in a whisper. "Draco, I _can't_."

Draco made a noise of frustration and pulled her onto the broom behind her.

"See? Yes you can. Now, hold on."

"God, can't you put a shirt on or something? Or must you walk around half naked for this whole week?"

Draco smirked. "You know you love it," he said, while making the broom hover above the ground.

Hermione broke out in a cold sweat. "Draco, don't make me-"

Draco ignored her, and started to make the broom rise higher, and higher...

"_DRACO_!" Hermione screamed, clutching onto his naked waist.

Draco laughed, spun the broom around, and shot off into the air, twisting, turning, going up and down and breakneck speeds. Hermione kept her eyes squeezed firmly shut, her stomach churning, her mind working frantically. It's ok, she told herself. THere's nothing to be worried about at all... fuck, yes there is! I'm going to die! Fuck Draco! Fuck! FUCK!

It wasn't until Draco had landed and was sitting on the ground, watching her in bemusement, that she realised she had been saying all of this out loud.

"Nice flight, Granger?" he said, his face unreadable.

"I-"

"It's your turn now," said Draco cheerfully, getting onto the broom behind her. "Go on, if anything goes wrong, I can always take over."

Hermione shook her head emphatically, and tried to get off, then she realised the broom was already hovering twenty centimetres off the ground.

"I promise I won't let anything hurt you," Draco said softly.

Hermione swallowed. Maybe she could...

Draco slid his hands under her shirt to hold her waist.

Hermione turned to scowl at him, he took his hands out.

"Unfair," he said in mock anger. "You got to take hold onto my naked, rock-hard abs, and-"

He was stopped in mid-sentence when Hermione pulled the broom up into the sky, if only to make him shut up.

"Draco, I'm _flying_," she said shakily.

She nudged the broom left, and leaned forward. The wind whistling through her hair, the sun sinking into the horizon, this wasn't so bad after all. She chanced a look down.

Mistake.

She hadn't realised they were so _high_. She jolted the broom, which made them turn at a strange angle and she noticed, with widening eyes, they were fast approaching a Quidditch hoop. She closed her eyes and screamed as Draco let go of her and grabbed hold of the broom, forcing it down in a dive. He landed them gently.

"You okay?" he asked.

She nodded dumbly, getting off the broomstick shakily. She looked at her two hands incredulously. So she had almost crashed, but she was in the air. She had _flown_.

"Thanks Draco," she said, walking off in the direction of the tent.


End file.
